Christmas Joy

It’s that time again, the year draws to a close and the old powers stir. December 25th is right around the corner, that day when we celebrate the ‘birthday’ of the sun god Mithras (Deus Sol Invictus Mithras for you more modern folk). I’m prepped and ready for the ancient practice of shared gifts and debauchery, dating way back beyond the foundation of Rome itself. Sadly the debauchery (and its Roman origins) must be somewhat tempered as I’m nearing the 7th year of my monogamous relationship, and the other third may look poorly on a good old-style roman orgy. It’s also a bitch to clean the carpets and I’m usually driven to stupor by excessive eating.

Huginn and Muninn (though and memory) are winging their way across the world, watching as Christians and Atheists everywhere engaging in traditions that predate the current calendar, even while adding new facets to the festivity. We worship at the altar of Hallmark, give praise to the great God consumerism and stuff ourselves with the annual winter sacrifice of roasted meats. So time to string up the magical holly/mistletoe (revered for its ability to stay green in winter despite having no roots), and giving lip-service (pun intended) to Frigga by planting a big juicy kiss on anyone foolish enough to pause under it.

Note to self, put mistletoe over only one doorway and then designate separate entrances for men and women.

Of course down here in the land of the burning sands we look at things a bit differently; no Yule log here its’ too bloody hot already. While the traditional Christmas roast still finds its way to the tables the distinctly Aussie tradition of cold sea food (crabs, lobster, prawns, and seafood salad) will be making it onto my table beside the healthy pork roast (my Jewish friend’s request) this Christmas. I see myself slaving over a hot oven and cold freezer equally, and then it’s out into the sun for cold beers, girly drinks, and sitting in a wading pool to cool down.

Unless you’re Muslim of course, if that’s the case, well….sucks to be you. If I was denied roast pork and alcohol for the festive season, while my neighbours were getting their gluttony on, I’m pretty sure it would shatter my unflinching faith that there really was a God. Not sure even the allowance for jailbait would balance out that divine injustice.

Acceptable under Sharia Law

I hope the corporate sponsoured saint of consumerism in his Coca-Cola themed suit provides you with lots of awesome presents. So in the Christmas spirit, and using the paraphrased word of that champion of socialism Jesus of Nazareth, “be excellent to one another” and share your happiness with those around you.

Santa down under

Bits and Bobs

More stuff gathered from the electronic subconscious

Why loud sex can be bad for you http://news.ninemsn.com.au/world/833250/loud-sex-led-to-assault-charge-for-teens

Conspiracy theory for the week, are we in Iraq to protect Israel’s Archeological Penis Substitution? http://heidilore.wordpress.com/2009/07/29/babylons-ancient-wonder-lying-in-ruins/

Evolution occurring at speeds that can easily be seen http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/04/080417112433.htm

The depths of depravity humans will sink to in the name of religious dogma http://filipspagnoli.wordpress.com/2009/08/21/the-most-absurd-human-rights-violations-5-the-rape-of-young-iranian-girls-prior-to-their-execution/

Fighting back against the influx of Hello Kitty and Death Note, Australia exports its own cultural icons http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/11/25/2752536.htm

How to deal with burglars 101 http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/09/15/samurai.sword.killing/ 

 Blast from the Past, a book review of Dragons of Autumn Twilight http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/bargain-book-bin.php

Disclaimer: Links may vanish without warning

PS Yes I would leave you for her

Alicia Witt

Full Moon

Saw New Moon, the latest instalment in the Twilight saga.

The dysfunctional Cullen Family is back…. yay….kill me….

Werewolf Male: Whine, I’ve got muscles now, why don’t you love me, whine, vampires are poopy heads, whine.

Vampire Male: Whine, whine, I can’t be with you because I love you. Whine, my angst is reaching critical mass, I’m going to kill myself. Whine, now I can be with you because I failed to kill myself and I figure you’ll be able to nag me to death.

Human Female: Whine, make me a vampire. Whine, I like dry humping dead guys, whine. Pay attention to me you buff young Indian dude, but not too much attention cause I want to be a vampire, whine. You’re not here to make me a vampire, whine. Now you are here my angst has reached critical mass and unless you make me a vampire I’ll whine some more. Whine ad nauseam.

Vampire Female: I’m the only thing that makes this travesty of a movie watchable, and I know it.

Alice / Ashley Greene

Movie Synopsis:
The main character whines till she gets what she wants, then freaks out and thus the movie then ends. The werewolves were well done (CGI speaking), yet completely crap (character development speaking). There was less of Edward Cullen (which is a GOOD thing) and the female lead remains a weak, whiny, disgrace that single handedly sets the feminist movement back about 40 years…… and I still want to falcon punch her.

Falcon Punch, how to

Robert ‘the nose job’ Pattinson’s performance as this courageous mentally challenged vampire is an inspiration to gothic vampire wannabe’s everywhere. His tragic bout of anaemia induced impotence, and the look of erectile frustration on his face, was heart-wrenching. (extra points if you can spot where I stole/butchered that from)

• Vampire on Vampire violence was pretty cool.
• Werewolf on Vampire violence was pretty cool.
• The ‘big bad’ (Victoria) gets about 2 minutes on screen time the whole movie.
• Ashley Greene is still smoking hot.
• Oh, Laurent, EAT THE BITCH ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Normally I’d blame the actors for such dreadful performances, however having read the first novel… well I can’t…. the writing is really this crap. Off to try Nightlight instead.

Do yourself, and your wallet, a favour. Watch Dog Soldiers and Queen of the Damned instead. Download (Disclaimer: not that I would encourage downloading) True Blood instead, or Blood Ties free off the website.

Bits off the web

Here are a few interesting links from around the web

A man discovers to his horror that he is heterosexual http://womansday.ninemsn.com.au/trueconfessions/trueconfessions/670863/im-a-closet-heterosexual

How genetic screening can ruin your chances to get health insurance http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/09/07/2678070.htm?section=justin

 Why we’re all mutants http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/8227442.stm

The ultimate Nerd conjecture, Superman & Sex http://www.rawbw.com/~svw/superman.html

What happens when crappy journalism gets hold of good science http://worldofweirdthings.com/2009/09/09/good-science-meets-terrible-journalism/

an unnamed Asian goddess (can’t get too serious now can we?)

 

Lego, Aids & Quantum Mechanics

The large collider is up and running and with it a further step towards understanding the building blocks of the universe, you know, the yellow Lego ones that toddlers get stuck up their noses.

Good news is that the world didn’t end.

Bad news is that the world didn’t end.

If it had we’d at least have seen a result that we unlettered public would understand, even get excited about. Earth sucked into an artificially made black hole; crappy headline, but proof that we’re getting what we pay for in scientific funding. Damn you science, where are our jetpacks, flying cars, robot love slaves, and shark with frikkin laser beams? Huh? HUH?

What we do know from the smashing together of sub-atomic particles is that no mini-black holes were created, at least not for a measurable length of time. Sadly this means that the five-dimensional construct of space and time (the Randall-Sundrum Model) has suffered another setback. Too many more of these and it might go the way of the dodo.

There have been teething problems, or in this case, conception, gestation, and development problems, with just a dash of toilet training thrown in. Of course the setbacks have a malevolent awareness lurking behind them, possibly the Higgs Boson itself according to Matt Ford.

Not that our lack of self-destruction in science is slowing down our ability to annihilate our own species, in 2008 alone over 2 million died from AIDS. You recall AIDS don’t you? The horrific plague that haunted those growing up in the eighties, inflaming hate crimes, branding the homosexual community. The incurable and ultimately fatal disease that was largely forgotten by the 90’s? 

In Africa there is the horrific idea that sleeping with a virgin can cure AIDS, while in xenophobic parts of Asia it’s believed that only visiting English teachers have the disease. We’ve got missing nukes AWOL from the former soviet socialist republic, an increase in anti-biotic resistant bacteria, and a return of 70’s fashion. The horsemen are coming, and they’re wearing leg warmers and lime green.

Famine (Fashionable Horsewoman of the Apocalypse)

Plastikos swallows its tail

In the term plastic surgery the word “plastic” derives from the Greek plastikos meaning to mold or to shape. Which has nothing really to do with the post, I’m just trying to show off a bit and hopefully explain why the posts title is dreadfully clever.

~crickets~

Well I think it is.

So onto the post itself…. the self replicating nature of plastic surgery.

Disclaimer: This is a bat-shit insane mental meandering.

When I was back doing undergraduate study at one point I lived in a share-house three or four other people. No steady couples, just young single folk saving money by staying in the one place. One of the girls, a cute little blonde thing had been saving up during her high-school years in order to get Rhinoplasty (a nose job). It wasn’t a particularly unattractive nose, I mean it suited her face, but it was the one (or at least main) thing about herself she wasn’t happy with. This got me thinking.

I’ve since read up on the phenomena, I’d done courses where the obvious link between appearance and self-esteem have been highlighted, even professionally counseled girls who’s anxiety and depression issues were all tied up with self-image. I got over my questioning of why surgery, despite its risks, is so popular. I even looked into the medical details of the procedures, tracked the sub-dermal changes with surgically altered musculature and the effects of inorganic implants on the human body. In the end I dismissed it as one of those baffling but apparently unavoidable phenomena that are tied up with the basic frailty of the human psyche. Only in the last few years have I wondered about the long term effects on society.

Psychology be damned, Sociology is where its at

As plastic surgery becomes more and more acceptable (see my past posts on the phenomena in Korea HERE, and HERE) what will this ultimately do to our gene pool?

Disclaimer: Extreme Logical Leap ahead

As each generation undergoes surgery to hide their defects, be they real or imaginary, then more and more of these defects will be passed on as the desirability of these folks is augmented. Beautiful people will breed, despite the ugly hidden beneath. Unattractive features will be less likely to be bred out of the gene pool and each successive generation will display more and more indicators of assault by the ugly stick. End result = Plastic surgeons get rich fixing ‘imperfections’ in the process they secure a new generation of ugified children who will grow up needing plastic faces to ensure they blend in with the artificially maintained standards of beauty. Eventually society will collapse under the weight of its own vanity. We will be controlled by a ruling class of thin limbed fashion models, towering over us on their over-extended femurs while behind the scenes their hair-plugged sugar daddies will be greasing the palms of our hidden medical overlords.

Our future Overlords gather to examine their slaves

Hips do not lie

Anyone seen a bulldog?

No seriously, this is a legitimate question.

A little known fact about bulldog’s is that pretty much every bulldog born today was delivered by C-section. A few hundred years of selective breeding (human engineered evolutionary pressure) has lead to puppies that have heads too big to allow a natural birth. Chances are that humans are going the same way.

There’s no proof to this yet, if any studies have been commissioned I haven’t read their results, but to me it makes a certain amount of sense. If a narrow pelvis, previously a massive complication in childbirth due to the large brain/cranium of the human child, is no longer a barrier to reproduction then maybe that trait will be more commonly passed on. Any trait that isn’t detrimental tends to be kept, passed on, and grows within a given population. With advanced medical procedures available more and more narrow hipped women will be passing their genetic templates onto the next generation. Between this and the increase in plastic surgery I’m foretelling a future of androgynous humanity, but that is the subject for another admittedly loony-tunes post.

Shakira

I’m not saying cesareans are bad, as a humanitarian I think that anything that reduces maternal and infant death is a great thing. I’m a big guy, and the woman in my life isn’t (isn’t big I mean, I think it is already apparent she isn’t a guy), so cesarean births are likely to be part of my life at a personal level. Its the cynic in me that sees a problem.

What happens if one of the multitudes of (admittedly highly unlikely) disasters that prophets of doom predict comes true. Humanity will of course survive, but any hammer blow that shatters our technological support structure will leave humanity vulnerable to all those factors that we’ve removed from the ‘fitness’ equation with modern achievements. Take away that support structure and any generation exposed to the full effect of a return to more primitive conditions will suffer horribly.

Rising levels of diabetes, may not in fact reflect poor dietary choices and sedentary behaviour, it could be that diabetes levels are rising because individuals who would have died before they were old enough to reproduce have now passed on their disease. This is one of the once life-threatening diseases that, with modern advances. have been neutralized. It’s sufferers have been able to live normal, healthy, and most importantly, fertile lives. Whereas in our history each generation would lose large numbers of defective or non-beneficial mutations, modern medicine is allowing these people to live, prosper, and potentially pass on the defect to the next generation.

As long as our technological age prospers it permits this to continue, saving millions of lives, and allowing millions more to lead healthy and productive lives. Yet should an event somehow demolish our technological crutch we will be faced with a two-fold blow to humanities chances of survival. The event itself, and the blow to survivors as medical and pharmaceutical aids are removed and our fitness as a race one again becomes a factor without artificial parameters.

Ash pretty as a picture

Ashlyn Letizzia (the proud owner of a pair of bunny ears), Ashlynn Brooke (has her own website so go worship at that smooth, creamy altar), and Ashii Orion (who is over at Danni, but really needs to relocate to my Harem). Smear me with ash(-lyn, -lynn, or -ii) wrap me in sackcloth, I’m a bad little lapsed Catholic and I’ve never been so ready for my penance.

Two blondes and a brunette, hows that for Tuesday goodness?

Well, if lusting after these girls is a sin then Mea Culpa, Mea Maxima Culpa.

Alena Seredova

I’m not sure how Eastern European women do it, but they seem to reach me on a primal level, and this Czech-born Italian model is definately mad-wolf time material. So after a long break from the Babe pages I give you Alena Seredova

Corporate Branding

Oh My God!

The place where I work has gone completely insane. Good thing is they’ve selected a nice ‘clinical’ hospital colour to promote a soothing and anxiety free atmosphere…… LIME FUCKING GREEN?….. what the hell. Why not just say “welcome to the 70’s, we’re that far behind”….. she-it…. at least that’s a little less unsettling then “we bought sanatarium surplus colourschemes on the cheap”.

How about truth in advertising? Try something that will actually appeal to school leavers “your parents will be 500km’s away!” We want students before de-regulation hits in 2012 and the big Universities can actually accept all those folks that had them as their first choice…

Since the new Logo has hit I’ve talked to about 20 odd people about it, and I haven’t heard a single positive comment. So with that in mind I wonder if any market research was ever undertaken, outside the designer and a few LSD addled party animals at the local cafe. Oh, and apparently if you shrink the logo and black & white it it isn’t flattering at all… that and the required font & signature on emails makes them unreadable on i-phones, blackberry, and small monitors. 

….. I want to be in Spin. Even the presenter apparently couldn’t discern the difference between a brand and a logo. We aren’t all lifers up here, most of the staff here have come from much bigger, usually corporate, entities….. Hell, what sort of selling power is this thing supposed to have anyway?