Earthbound Stars (for now)

So who here is a fan/follower of L. Ron Hubbard?

Seriously raise your hands in the air if you think Xenu is in da house!

Good…. is that all of you?

Right… I’m not talking to you guys any more. You scare me!
Look I understand the appeal of religion… really I do. It’s nice to sit back and assume that some all-knowing bearded superman has everything in hand, and all you really need to do is simply be a nice person, at least to the folks in your local church/synagogue/mosque/coven. A lot of religions have some wonderful benign influences on the world, be it in the form of charities, social support networks, or even just keeping their rabid members isolated from us heathens. You get to be part of that exclusive cool club for the folks that ‘know the truth’ and look down on the ‘unenlightened’. A lot of religions also have the whole suppression of women thing down pat, because the last thing we want is women to actually realise that they have the power…. who’d do the damn ironing then?

Then there are the more ‘edgy’ (see retarded) cults. Apparently all the cool kids want to be into Wicca these days; you get to dress in black and listen to depressing music… hang on… that’s not what being Wicca is all about, but don’t let that stop you. Flick through a neo-pagan or witchcraft magazine at your local newsagent and it will be full of Goth looking models, and the angst of being a misunderstood minority. Sorry guys, but pre-Christian nature religions tended to be less about vegan values and more about spilt blood to ensure fertility…. and lose the black eyeliner and corsets; they may be sexy but it screams “I’ve watched the Crow 17,642 times” rather then “I’m in harmony with nature and the cosmic forces”

Of course anything ‘scientific’ must be good right? If god is dead then science must be the new faith right? Right? Wrong! Just calling your repressive cult a science does not make it less nutty then traditional religions; I mean where does Hubbard get off trying to fake a ‘scientific’ basis for his drone workshop? When your cult is besieged by hordes of internet educated do-gooders wearing capes and Guy Fawkes masks, and they’re the sane ones, you need to seriously re-evaluate your auditing scales.

I get John Travolta, his career and personal life has had so many ups and downs that even an alien resurrection cult would be a stabilizing influence.

I certainly get everyone’s favourite little big man, Tom Cruise; when your yearly bonus for leading the cult is a cute little brunette baby maker, you know the CEO perks are worth it.

But when your religion is started by a convicted fraudster, that started of as a science fiction writer, you’ve got to wonder just how much stock you can put in those ‘secret manuscripts’ that are yours for the piddling price of “holy shit how much are they charging!?”

Seriously guys, the joke is so old that no one remembers when it was funny, just drink the damn Kool-aid already.