Valentines Day

So V day had been and gone, and you know what that means……?
Nope, either do I.

There was a time that I will call the pre-T era, when Valentines Day was a very clear thing. I as the male would have to purchase something hideously expensive (preferably in gold) or something sickeningly cute (preferably in gold) and should my offering the the goddess of the day be found pleasing, sex would ensue.

Formula: I give gift. If gift is good, I get laid. Fantastic we have now  institutionalized and legitimized mainstream prostitution.

Here’s where it breaks down, because I’m not the only one getting laid here, as far as I recall it takes two to tango, unless you like the idea of getting hairy palms.

So now the formula reads.

Formula: I give gift. If gift is good we both enjoy sex.

So now we can see that I’m providing a hormone driven monster with a shiny toy, and if the monster is happy with the shiny toy then we engage in some mindless sports sex romantic loving. We’re both getting the benefit out of this, so why am I the one footing the 9 carat bill?

There’s the other thing, as I see it there are two ways to look at V day. Firstly as a celebration of love. Secondly as an successful marketing ploy to conjure up a reason that we should buy hideously overprices flowers, jewelery, cards and chocolates even though we haven’t actually done anything wrong yet. The third and unspoken way of looking at it is as a cruel Hallmark and Confectionery strategy to make single folks feel unloved and unlovable so they will indulge in even more chocolate and ice cream in an attempt to drown their misery in sweet, sweet sugar.

So if its a celebration of love why don’t I get something that sparkles? Come to that how about we just reverse the whole order of the day. First we bang the drum make love then, if her performance is satisfactory, I give her the little gift-wrapped box.

Hmmm….

In Korea its a little different. There is a day when the boys give the girls gifts. There is a day where the girls give the boys gifts. Then there is a third day where anyone who didn’t get a gift goes out and eats black noodles… and hits on anyone else they see eating black noodles. It’s like a “I’m desperate” sign for all the world to see.

Note to self… check who’s eating the noodles.