Goodbye Cruel World

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

You can’t deny that the King James has some beautiful prose; however I’m adopting and updating it for my own ends. I seems appropriate that a blog full of borderline pornography, violence, murder and reality detached rants finish on a biblical note.

When I was a gawking ex-pat, I blogged as an ex-pat, I understood as an ex-pat, I thought as an expat: but when I was forced to do real work, I was forced to put away childish things.

In short this blog is going bye-byes. I’m not deleting it, but anything that turns up here will be purely fluff. Instead a personal, more work focused blog will appear at http://wyrdthings.wordpress.com/. I plan to steal and republish some bits of this site, but for the most part this will be current affairs and new observations. I will also have a more professional blog up and running.

Onion Awareness

Sometimes the sheer brilliance of the onion must be highlighted

http://www.theonion.com/articles/budget-mixup-provides-nations-schools-with-enough,20350/

Not only accurate but awesome.

Post Rapture Day

What… you still here?

Bummer dude!

PS Looks like the loony-fringe is still here too, wonder when the next proposed exodus date will be?

Everybody Draw Mohammed Day

Today is the second annual Everybody Draw Mohammed Day which, depending on your viewpoint, is either a blasphemous act worthy of death or a important act for free speech.

Granted the first viewpoint appeals to the mucho crowd, but there are plenty of historic examples of depictions that were apparently quite fine (before the 1500). Most of those were from the golden age of the Muslim world, when they led the world in science, medicine, mathematics, and some would say culture in general.

So… fanatical religious doctrine has retarded the development of the Muslim nation’s scientific development, strangling their technical and financial growth. This makes Mohammed angry

(\\|:-(>

See?

Rapture Day

Yet another crack-pot pseudo-Christian group is claiming that “the end of the world is nigh” and beating their chests. 21 May is the date they all get taken away from this terrible planet with its sunshine, and beaches, and chocolate, and books, and orgasms, and all those other materialistic horrors that must be left behind for the purity of heaven. Someone pass me my harp, we’re going to have to make our own music because I’m pretty sure hell got all the talented musicians.

Of course they’re a bit late (Mark 9:1 or Luke 9:27) as the rapture took place about 2000 years ago, give or take the lifespan of Jesus’ audience….. unless he was lying….. or insane….. which would kind of invalidate the whole shebang. Not that I’m saying the whole ‘good book’ is more of a ‘good yarn’, loosely based on earlier Sumerian bedtime stories… not that I’m not either.

Needless to say I don’t get to cancelling my appointments for the rest of the month, and sadly none of those convinced that the 21st is rapture day have gotten back to me about my $20,000 bet that it isn’t. Shame really, no one is willing to back their faith with their finances.

Okay, maybe that’s not fair. I shouldn’t be mocking genuinely deluded individuals who are risking their futures by taking this seriously. I honestly hope that there is a rapture, during which all these folks get to fly off with their mythical master and get judged they way they hope. It’s kind of a long shot though, that they picked the right variation of the right religions, and that they have the right interpretation of their own (often contradictory) moral code. But I would be much happier if ALL the religious conservatives got a divine air-lift out of here and we were left with just the secular population with our concern for the environment and for human life. This world would be much nicer if we were all concerned with making this life better rather than self flagellating ourselves about a next one that might exist.

The Eagle is pucked?

Something to think about

http://www.salon.com/news/us_economy/index.html?story=/news/feature/2010/12/06/america_collapse_2025

A talking point for EU and Aus citizens, a ray of hope for China, and a waking nightmare for American citizens.

Economic Mindsets

It’s good to have a deficit, been hearing that since high school economics. It’s good to have debt, it’s essential to have a constantly expanding economy.

BAH!

Economics is the science that is about as reliable as astrology. Here’s a really novel thought, how about we buy what we can afford, and pay our bills as we go. True we might lack the surges and explosive growth that the debit / credit cycle allow, but it also stops the crashes and collapses that the cycle causes. Responsible economics, a whole new social science.

Gillard plans to balance the deficit by 2012-13. Maybe Australian economics finally hit puberty.

 

Things not to say to a naked guy

1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it’s cute.
3. Wow, and your feet are so big.
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. It’s more fun to look at.
6. Make it dance.
7. You know, there’s a tower in Italy like that.
8. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
9. My last boyfriend was 4″ bigger.
10. It’s ok, we’ll work around it.
11. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
12. Oh no, a flash headache.
13. (giggle and point)
14. Can I be honest with you?
15. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
16. Let me go get my tweezers.
17. This explains your car.
18. You must be a growing boy.
19. Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow
20. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
21. All right, a treasure hunt!
22. I didn’t know they came that small.
23. Why is God punishing you?
24. At least this won’t take long.
25. I never saw one like that before.
26. What do you call this?
27. But it still works, right?
28. Do you take steroids?
29. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
30. Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?
31. Oh, I didn’t know you were in an accident.
32. Aww, it’s hiding.
33. Are you cold?
34. If you get me real drunk first.
35. It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.
36. So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality
37. Never mind, why bother.
38. Where’s the rest of it?

Women Should Know

These are not exactly new, nor exactly jokes……..

1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it’s up, put it down.

3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.

4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect gift yet again!

5. If you ask a question you don’t want the answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

6. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

7.  When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

8. You have enough clothes.

9. You have too many shoes.

10. Crying is blackmail.

11. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.

12. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

13. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress.

14. Yes and no are perfectly good answers to almost every question.

15. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That is what we do. Sympathy is what girlfriends are for.

16. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.

17. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

18. No, it does not matter which quiz.

19. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

20. If you won’t dress up like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

21. If something we said can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you angry or sad, we meant the other.

22. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway. It is genetic.

23. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done, not both.

24. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

25. More women should were Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs.

26. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

27. If we ask what is wrong and you say, “Nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

28. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about having sex with her. But do not worry; the fantasy includes you AND her together.

Why I’m a Freak pt 1

We all have idiosyncratic behaviors, product of our upbringing, or experiences, our genes.. so I’m going to go through a few of mine for purely egotistical reasons.

I refuse to wear clothes with brands on them. Why?

1. I paid for the damn clothes, the company did not pay me to be their walking bill-board

2. I bought a shirt, this does not mean I endorse every product made under that particular brand name.

There are some exceptions to the rule

1. Where the cloths are particularly artistic in the presentation of the logo, thereby practically concealing it.

2. Where the blurb/promotion is in a foreign language and done in such a manner as to be aesthetically pleasing.

I have no idea why I chose to share that with you….